Collaboration
Creating Clarity
"Clarity and simplicity are the antidotes to complexity and uncertainty"
- General George Casey -
Everyone of us has expectations plus a desire that expectations are met. When our expectations are met, or exceeded, our brain releases dopamine and we feel good about it. The problems arise, when our expectations are not met, dopamine levels fall and disappointment sets in.
Missed expectations are often the result of poor communication. If I do not tell you what I am thinking, how can I expect you to know? And yet, that is exactly what happens. People make assumptions about what they need to explain and what they can leave unsaid. This creates gaps in understanding, often leading to uncomfortable situations. Just because it is clear to me that I need an answer by the end of the day, does not mean that it is obvious to the person of whom I am asking the question.
It is that you have found yourself in both situations, even at the same time. Trying to communicate your expectations of others while managing the things that are expected of you.
HOW TO GET A SHARED FOCUS
- Articulate Expectations
- Open Dialoque and negotiation
- Secure Commitment
- Manage against commitment
HOW TO DEVELOP IT
When you are the one with the expectations
Articulate your expectations
Before the work begins, clearly explain what is needed, by when and what the quality standards are. Stay focused on the outcome and do not over-prescribe or micro-manage the process.
Have an open dialogue
Once you have articulated your expectations, check if the other person perceives the expectations as acceptable and realistic. Be open to feedback and be prepared to either adjust your expectations or your resources. Do not mistake silence for understanding.
Secure a commitment
Explicitly ask for a commitment, whether written or verbal. Without an outspoken commitment, your expectations will remain just yours. Do not assume that, just because you have explained your expectations and given people the chance to provide feedback, responsibility for meeting those expectations has transferred to them.
Manage changes
The best plans do not remain intact for long, so communicate early and often when things change, give people the opportunity to renegotiate their commitments and ask them to reaffirm those commitments.
When you are the one from whom something is expected
Get the expectations on the table
Everyone has expectations, so make sure that you ask what they are, preferably in writing. Ask as many questions as you need, until you feel comfortable that you fully understand the expectations.
Negotiate
If you are about to commit yourself, you have a right to negotiate the terms - especially when you feel that you are not set up for success. Remain calm in the conversation, even if the expectations feel unreasonable and attempts to negotiate are not successful. Ask for the resources you need to be successful. Remain objective about the expectations and focus on a fact-based conversation that outlines a shared ownership of success.
Commit
Committing transfers power and ownership from the person making the request to the person delivering. It moves your self-talk from "they have expectations against which I will be judged for" to "I have made a commitment which I will hold myself accountable for." This mental shift is especially critical for when things go wrong, as you will feel more comfortable making decisions and reacting when you are empowered.
Never commit if you do not believe that you can deliver on your commitment. If you cannot commit fully and are stuck in negotiations, document the elements to which you are able to commit, the gaps and issues preventing you from committing fully and the risks to the outcome.
Manage against your commitment, not their expectations
As work proceeds, measure your progress against your commitments and communicate early and often if changing circumstances or shifting expectations will impact your ability to deliver. Ask to renegotiate your commitments if you are unable to adjust your resources sufficiently to address these changes. Staying focused on your commitments rather than on other people's expectations will keep you feeling empowered and in control of the results of your work and of your reputation.
Following these steps with your team, will help you move toward governing your relationships with commitments instead of expectations. You will discover when everyone is empowered to own their commitments, expectations will regularly be exceeded.