Paving the Way
Managing Conflict
"The quality of our lives depends not on whether or not we have conflicts, but on how we respond to them"
- Thomas Crum -
Collings Dictionary uses this definition: “Conflict is serious disagreement and argument about something important. If two people or groups are in conflict, they have had a serious disagreement or argument and have not yet reached agreement.”
There are three elements in a conflict
- It is an import topic
- There is serious disagreement or argument
- There is no resolution or agreement
Although many leaders’ focus is on fixing the relationship between conflicting parties, the main objective of managing conflict is to reach agreement.
THE BENEFITS AND CHALLENGES OF CONFLICT
Conflict is an inevitable and present part of work. The common response to conflict however is to ignore it. As much as ignoring conflict is understandable, it is also a missed opportunity to improve. When you resolve it effectively, you can eliminate many of the hidden problems that it brought to the surface. There are other benefits that you might not expect, such as:
- Increased understanding. Going through the process of resolving conflict expands people's awareness and gives them an insight into how they can achieve their goals without undermining others.
- Better cohesion. When you resolve conflict effectively, team members can develop stronger mutual respect, and a renewed faith in their ability to work together.
- Improved self-knowledge. Conflict pushes individuals to examine their goals and expectations closely, helping them to understand the things that are most important to them, sharpening their focus, and enhancing their effectiveness.
The common reason to ignore conflict is fear for the damaging impact. Not handling the conflict effectively, might result in personal dislike or breaking down teamwork. The reality is that ignoring the conflict will lead to the same, or even worse, outcome. The underlying issues are likely to continue, undermining the team’s ability to be successful.
The conflict is there, right in front of you, and it is your choice to deal with it or accept the consequences of ignoring it.
SKILLS YOU NEED
An important skill in managing conflict is being able to empathize sincerely with the other party’s perspective. This requires that the leader listens to the views of all individuals involved until they understand, and the other party acknowledges that understanding.
Listening with an open mind and an open heart will allow the leader to understand the other party’s underlying interests, free of their own biases, distortions and judgments. Doing so will assist them to step into the other’s shoes, see things as they see them and develop understanding and compassion for their views.
In seeking a win-win outcome, it is important to strive to satisfy the needs and wants of all parties within a conflict. This means being as impartial as possible, working to ensure that all parties reach consensus around the resolution. All parties will want to know they have been heard, their points respected and responded to.
Ground rules when managing conflicts:
- Treat the other person with respect.
- Separate people from problems.
- Listen carefully to different interests.
- Listen first, talk second.
- Set out the "facts."
- Explore options together.
HOW TO MANAGE CONFLICTS
The Interest-Based Relational approach, developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury, is an effective approach to manage conflicts. Fisher and Ury argue that you should resolve conflicts by separating people and their emotions from the problem. By separating the problem from the person, you can discuss issues without damaging relationships. Their approach also focuses on building mutual respect and understanding, and it encourages you to resolve conflict in a united, cooperative way.
The approach is based on the idea that your role as a manager is not simply to resolve conflict but to ensure that team members feel respected and understood, and that you appreciate their differences.
Your priority is to help each side develop an understanding of the other's position, and to encourage both to reach a consensus – even if that means agreeing to disagree.
The following ground rules are helpful when managing conflicts:
- Treat the other person with respect. Do your best to be polite, and to discuss matters constructively.
- Separate people from problems. Recognize that, in many cases, the other person is not "being difficult" – real and valid differences can lie behind conflicting positions.
- Listen carefully to different interests. You'll get a better grasp of why people have adopted their position if you try to understand their point of view.
- Listen first, talk second. Listen to what the other person is saying before defending your own position. They might say something that changes your mind.
- Set out the "facts." Decide on the observable facts that might impact your decision, together.
- Explore options together. Be open to the idea that a third position may exist, and that you might reach it jointly.
This approach can help to solve a conflict:
- Set up a meeting between the conflicting parties to discuss the issue.
- Let them know that you are there to work together to find a solution, and ask them to focus on the problem, not the person.
- Introduce the ground rules and ask the participants to commit to these ground rules.
- Ask every participant to share the facts, turn by turn, and allow the other person to ask (only) clarifying questions. You can ask clarifying questions too. Continue until you have a complete picture of the issue.
- Summarize the complete picture and ask for participants’ consent on the picture. Don’t continue if there is no agreement on the facts.
- Ask every participant to share the (emotional) impact the conflict has on them. Be mindful to stay away from judgements on the other. Ask the other person if they can understand (which is different than agree) the other person’s (emotional) response.
- Work together to agree on a resolution. Seek to identify their interests underneath their descriptions.
Your role is to take the participants through this process, ask clarifying questions and manage the ground rules. To practice this approach, start with a relatively mild conflict first, and then try it on a more significant one.
Content contributed by Helen Morley, 2021